Memories of my first love

I have treasured all the things you gave me. All the letters, handmade bracelet, handmade flowers, and even the watch you gave me on our second Christmas together. I accidentally found it in my box with some of my college memories, and I found the letters you gave me, I remember telling you to give me letters whenever we meet, in that way you can try to bring back the feelings I have for you (this happened few months before we break up). Cause I do not know how I really feel about you anymore. The days we had during college were all beautiful. We go out and spend time with our friends, I get to have good grades with you as my inspiration. It all started after we graduated, when I get to review and take the board exams not having you by my side. We barely see each other. We would just have ramdom text "Ano gawa mo?" and you would reply "Nood lang ng tv". These were the moments I find it really hard to have fun. And so I passed, and had my first job. You were barely surviving with the allowance your parents gave you and I had my job thereafter. Still, we only get to see each other on Sundays, 5pm to attend service then go home around 8 in the evening. Then, I'm starting to feel really unhappy with you, and have fun with my friends at work since we all have jobs and can watch movies, eat and celebrate during paydays. I was not able to tell you how I really feel, I should have just been honest that I am getting sad around you and I do not know what to do so I asked you to write letters for me, yet, I do not feel the love I really wanted. Maybe we were just kids, whose trying to know what love really means.

He's the little cut in my heart that I feel whenever I think of him. He reminds me of this version of love that is so secure, gentle and in a way made me feel less of me. He smiles shyly, and loves me deeply.

Maybe he will see me someday, so happy with another person I truly love. And when I do see him, I will remember again the pain that I have, because of leaving him for no good reason. I just wish I am mature enough when I was that young to think that I am not yet really serious about our relationship before. We have made memories happy and sad. I know he tried his best to make me happy. But I do not know that time what could really make me happy back then.

I just wish that he found his true love, atlast. He even gets to get married first. But I hope that he does forgive me with whatever pain I have caused him. You wrote to me that you will never let me cry, but in the end, I was the one who really made you sad. Maybe I should just throw all the letters, so that I can totally forget you. But, thank you for all the happy memories we've had, that was true after all. I really felt happy being beside you, especially on our first Christmas together.

From American dream to UK dream!

Most of us Filipinos are fond of the American dream, even I admit that I wanted to go to United States to live the dream with the feeling of being able to do the things I wanna do and that includes buying big sizes of burger and fries, buying some trendy clothes, and being able to travel the world freely without financial constraints. So after graduating, I studied and took the NCLEX-RN exams for New York state, where the empire state building and all the bright lights in the city that never sleeps. My relatives are also in different parts of the US, so I think this is the closest far place where I can feel home.

Unknowingly, this is not where I would end up to be. I took different exams for a different country, and its in the opposite pole of the world, United Kingdom. It did went through so smoothly, until I finally realized that I was meant to be here. European land without any immediate relatives with me, yet I feel peace and contentment in my life. There isn't much place to see as compared with the loads of activities in the states. Then I wondered, Is this where I truly belong? I need to find an answer, and this awakening of my senses, with the calmness of my heart made my steady decision that it is truly a yes. This is where I belong.

Bakit nga ba sinisisi parati ang nurse?

Bakit nga ba sinisisi parati ang nurse?

1. Di inasikaso yung pasyente
2. Walang pakielam sa pasyente
3. Pinapalabas sa waiting area
4. Pinapabalik sa OPD sa Lunes (eh Friday pa ngayon)
5. Di daw inasikaso manganganak na
6. Di daw na triage ng maayos
7. Di daw pinansin kanina pa dumating
8. Di tinulungan magpalit ng diaper
9. Pinaghintay daw ng 2-4 hours bago asikasuhin

Realidad sa Pilipinas:

1. Understaff sila 1:30 patients pero kinakaya. Wala eh. Basta mabigyan ko lang sila kung ano kailangan nila wag na mag expect ng therapeutic communication may kailangan akong i-pressure dressing dun oh. Sabay takbo sa kabilang pasyente.
2. Underpaid din. 8,000 monthly walang 13th month, SSS, Philhealth, bonus, OT, contractual pa rin after 3 years puro J.O every 3 months no choice eh kesa volunteer mamili ka?
3. Walang nakaka appreciate samin. Pag teacher ka, dami mong regalo pag teachers day kami wala talaga pramis. Inggitera lang ang peg. Pero minsan may nag tthank you naman samin grabe nakakalambot na talaga ng puso yun.
4. Walang doktor. Meron naman pero isa lang sa buong ospital na may 70+ pasyente tapos gusto mo special treatment ka pa? Iwan yung 70 na pasyente para sayo di ka naman red tag according sa triage namin
5. Walang gamit. Syempre kailangan ng pasyente ng mga spesyalista sa baga- lipat ka ng Lung Center, mataas na bp na di bumababa- lipat ka sa heart center. Nifedipine at Captopril lang kaya naming ibigay sayo. Wala kami ng kailangan mong cardio, pulmo, endo, ortho kaya THOC ka lipat ospital. Hello isa lang kaya cardiac monitor at ECG machine namin! Ginagamit na ng nag aarrest samin at 2 thermometer at 2 bp app! Ang layo ng mararating nito- nakabuhay talaga ng pasyente!
6. O tapos darating ka ba naman kasi sa ospital para umire na lang. Walang check up! Pano kung yung dinadala mo di pala kasya lumabas sa sipitsipitan mo? Eh di kami pa may kasalanan kasi pinilit mong ilabas. Walang ultrasound. Pano kung bawal pala sa NSD yan, or mataas bp mo kailangan ka pa lang ma-CS kala mo lang ganon kadali yun?
7. Nilalagnat na anak mo ng ilang araw di pa pinacheck up tapos pag nag kumbulsyon bigla kang magpapanic. Okay lang naman sakin yun tutulungan parin naman kita kaso pag nagpapanic ka di lang nakakatulong, tulungan mo na lang akong magpunas habang kinakabitan ko sya ng oxygen mask. Eh di win-win pa tayo.
8. Umuubo rin. Hirap huminga. Ilang araw na di man lang pinacheck up nung maaga pa lang. Hinayaang lumala. Nakakalungkot lang kasi nakakaawa talaga yung mga bata infairness.
9. Mag- iinsert ka ng IV porket di mo nainsertan ng isa feeling incompetent ka na dahil may nag "tsk tsk" sa tabi mo. Aawayin ka pa bakit di mainsertan? Eh ikaw kaya mag insert? Araw araw ko tong ginagawa di naman lahat maganda ugat. Pasensya naman. Di ko naman gusto burdahan pasyente mo eh. Gusto ko nga one shot lang ako pero kung di ko kaya ipapasa ko sa mas superior sakin.
10. Basta sa totoo lang, ang dami nyo talaga!! Iilan lang kaming nakaduty di ko kayo kayang puntahan lahat sabay sabay di naman ako octopus! Wag nyo naman kami sisihin kung di ka namin napansin kasi ang daming agaw buhay din sa loob kala mo lang wala kaming ginagawa. Pinagtyagaan na nga namin mag trabaho dito pero di talaga maganda tong profession namin. Walang makaka appreciate samin dito sa Pilipinas. Nabbulok lang talaga sistema ng healthcare dito sa Pilipinas! Oo sige na nga, kami na may kasalanan.
Sabay walk out! Lipad sa UK na lang! Go nurses!