I have treasured all the things you gave me. All the letters, handmade bracelet, handmade flowers, and even the watch you gave me on our second Christmas together. I accidentally found it in my box with some of my college memories, and I found the letters you gave me, I remember telling you to give me letters whenever we meet, in that way you can try to bring back the feelings I have for you (this happened few months before we break up). Cause I do not know how I really feel about you anymore. The days we had during college were all beautiful. We go out and spend time with our friends, I get to have good grades with you as my inspiration. It all started after we graduated, when I get to review and take the board exams not having you by my side. We barely see each other. We would just have ramdom text "Ano gawa mo?" and you would reply "Nood lang ng tv". These were the moments I find it really hard to have fun. And so I passed, and had my first job. You were barely surviving with the allowance your parents gave you and I had my job thereafter. Still, we only get to see each other on Sundays, 5pm to attend service then go home around 8 in the evening. Then, I'm starting to feel really unhappy with you, and have fun with my friends at work since we all have jobs and can watch movies, eat and celebrate during paydays. I was not able to tell you how I really feel, I should have just been honest that I am getting sad around you and I do not know what to do so I asked you to write letters for me, yet, I do not feel the love I really wanted. Maybe we were just kids, whose trying to know what love really means.
He's the little cut in my heart that I feel whenever I think of him. He reminds me of this version of love that is so secure, gentle and in a way made me feel less of me. He smiles shyly, and loves me deeply.
Maybe he will see me someday, so happy with another person I truly love. And when I do see him, I will remember again the pain that I have, because of leaving him for no good reason. I just wish I am mature enough when I was that young to think that I am not yet really serious about our relationship before. We have made memories happy and sad. I know he tried his best to make me happy. But I do not know that time what could really make me happy back then.
I just wish that he found his true love, atlast. He even gets to get married first. But I hope that he does forgive me with whatever pain I have caused him. You wrote to me that you will never let me cry, but in the end, I was the one who really made you sad. Maybe I should just throw all the letters, so that I can totally forget you. But, thank you for all the happy memories we've had, that was true after all. I really felt happy being beside you, especially on our first Christmas together.
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